Why I Haven’t Talked About my Son Lately

I haven’t really written about my life dealing with the loss of my son lately. I have wanted to multiple times, but when it comes to actually putting words on the screen, I can’t do it.

I realized this morning, at the 8 month anniversary of his death, that it is because I am too angry. I’m angry at a lot of things, some rational and some irrational. But I know that I feel too angry to open myself up and share my thoughts, feelings, etc. with anyone.

I’m sure I can’t be the only one who has felt this way though? Other Loss Momma’s, have you experienced this overwhelming sense of anger? If so, what advice would you give to help another struggling Mom?

This is so true. Missing my son daily. Know I will see him again ...:

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What it’s all About…

When it comes to step-parenting….there is a lot going on. Not to discount full-time parenting, because we all know that is a crazy world too. But step-parenting is obviously a little different. We have a lot of the same challenges and some different ones. For example, step-parents are bitter-sweetly tasked with splitting their time 50/50 or 75/25 or however you have decided to do it. This means, step-parents get a break, every week just about. Full-time parents have a different story, you have your kiddos ALL THE TIME! Which is wonderful and exhausting. So, when I say there is a lot going on for step-parents, don’t think I have forgotten the wondrous work of full-time parents, I haven’t!

Like I mentioned in my last post, however, sometimes (who am I kidding, all of the time) it just feels like we don’t have enough time to do both the things we need to do and want to do before sending the kids off for a weekend at their mom’s. So we have to be even more intentional with our time than if they were at our disposal 24/7 because, put simply, they aren’t!

So what am I getting at here? I have been kicking myself over and over for not teaching Doodle and Bub some things that I think are important skills for every kid to have. Such as, how to appropriately act in a social situation with people you know and don’t know. And how to handle yourself when something happens that you don’t like. (The later of the two is something I have been slowly working on with Bub, but it just never seems to stick!) My problem? I need to be more intentional with my time with my children. Continue reading

Confessions of a Step-Mom

I’m not very good at being a Step-Mom. It’s true. I’m just not. I’m too selfish, too lackadaisical, too arrogant. I want to be the one and only: the mom.

I’m not very good at sharing these tasks and responsibilities…and I’m not very good at watching my husband share them either. To me, and to many blended families I’m sure, I think my husband and I are the best option for the kids all of the time. Obviously, they need their mother and vice versa, which is why I say I’m not very good at being a step parent. I know they need their mom, and they have a steadily active mom who loves them with everything she has. BUT that doesn’t mean I don’t think I love them better or that we as a family unit aren’t better for them. That’s the selfishness and arrogance.

I also hate that there is never enough time to do the things we need to do!! There is never enough time to do the basic things, like chores, playing with all of the Christmas gifts that sit unopened in the bottom of the closet, or take all the hikes and long walks we want to.

On top of that it seems like there is never enough consistency to teach them important life goals and have them stick. For example, I really wish Doodle knew and implemented appropriate social habits like looking people in the eye when they speak to you, responding with a polite greeting loud enough for the person you’re greeting to hear you, and smiling when someone compliments you. I wish so badly she did these things! But it seems like there is just never enough consistency for her to really get into this habit. Between moving from one house to the other, each house with different expectations, it seems as if nothing ever sticks!

I’ll tell ya, I have been trying to teach her how to chew with her mouth closed since I moved in with my husband, TWO YEARS AGO!!!! And every single time she comes home after being away a few days it is as if she has never heard the concept in her life. It makes me want to pull my hair out and hers!

I love being a parent, don’t get me wrong, but it is not easy. Especially when you have to give up the parenting responsibilities half of the time and just hope and pray the other family values the same things that you do and will teach the same set of skills that you are trying to teach.

And then, sometimes I am lazy. I think, tomorrow we will do (insert task here)…then tomorrow comes and we have to do homework, go to t-ball, or tutoring and it doesn’t get done. Then the next day they are off to their mom’s and we didn’t get to do the activity I had planned on. The real doozy is when they go to their mom’s and they do the activity I had put off at their mom’s and they are no longer interested when they come back home to my husband and I. It’s very discouraging and definitely not the fun part of parenting. That’s my fault though. I need to get into the habit of doing the things I want to do with the kids the first time I think of them, because they have two families and four minds working at how to entertain/please them.

 

AHH. Okay, rant over. But if you are a step parent or if your child has step parents it is likely that we are all thinking the same things and for the same reasons: We love our kids, we want our kids to be with us all of the time, and we are selfish for them.

 

DISCLAIMER: As a blended family we all respect one another’s role within our blended family. I respect the children’s mother as their mother and she respects me as their step-mother. I am not saying she or her husband are not good parents, just that it is easier to parent if you don’t have to share half of your time! So hold the argumentative thoughts, that is not what I am aiming for.