Advice to someone experiencing a recent loss: Take Your Time

To be honest, I probably began researching and reading others stories and quotes about loss a little too early. In the end, the fact that I could put words to my feelings through looking at other peoples experiences ended up carving an even bigger hole in my heart because I wasn’t ready.

So I don’t want your desperation or desire to know you aren’t alone to end up shoving you deeper into your hole of grief. You aren’t alone. Your baby isn’t alone. Take your time and just be before you try to function.

At this point your friends or loved ones will want to do anything they can to help you through the beginning stages of your grief. Take advantage of their love and do what you need to do. If you need to shut the world out, do it. If you need to sit on someone else’s couch and watch TV, do it. If you need to join a boxing gym so you can punch the hell out of something, tell a friend or loved one and they can help set it up for you.

Once we left the hospital after we had Adam we couldn’t stand to go home. The thought of going back to the house where we planned to bring him to and seeing that nothing had changed seemed offensive when considering how much our lives had just changed. We wanted a bed, a closed door, and a TV. So we stayed at my Mother-in-law’s house until after the funeral. We chose her house because we knew she would give us the space we needed. She was strong and she could function when we couldn’t. I would recommend going to the house where someone can be strong for you so that you don’t have to be. Don’t worry about offending your loved ones. They want whatever is going to be best for you in that moment, so it’s alright to be selfish in this time. They will work out their feelings on their own. You worry about you.

On another note: one thing I wish I had done when we returned home was empty the house of all living things (people and dogs) and scream as loud as my lungs would allow for as long as they would allow.

Does anyone else have any advice on how they handled the new reality you’ve been thrown into? What worked for you? What only hurt more? No form of coping is wrong!

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One thought on “Advice to someone experiencing a recent loss: Take Your Time

  1. I think travel is a great help. Everywhere I went in my home town felt so wrong because I was supposed to be there with my baby. We took a few trips around Ireland (we live in the north of Ireland) and then did a big trip to New York. It was so good to get away and be somewhere we were ever supposed to be with the baby. There was also no fear of running in to someone who would ask where the baby was! It was lovely to have a change of scenery and lots of distraction.

    Liked by 1 person

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